stay.oR.change!?

when things change into the way u dont want,
n u knew its imposible for it to turn back to the past,what will u do?
will u wasting your time keep on denying the reality,
waiting something imposible happen make it the way u like?
or u will let go the belief and move forward,accept it,no matter how cruel it is?
no matter how long you wait,time never go against the reality.
its much easier to let go the past,accept the truth.
sometimes,people use a life time denying and waiting.
sometimes,they realize that changes are needed.
what will you do if your life change unexpected?
what kinda perople you want to be?

cOnfeSsioN

remember the time i start my blog,i juz wanted to throw all my unhappiness into it.
i just wanted to let my heart rest in it.
but i now understand that,there is no sadness that last forever.
i am still the heartless i wanted to be,i give up my heart to the demon to release myself from the pain suffer inside me.
i m nobody now,only a shadow that come out from the door.a duplicate of me that strong enough to face the pain..

lovehurts no longer hurt me beacause she is within me now
will it be the another knife that stab into my heart?or it will be the potion of all..

[L.o.v.e]about it..

Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isnt it?

it makes you so vulneable.
its opens your chest and it open up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
you build up all these defences,you build up a whole suit of armour,so that nothing can hurt you,then one stupid person,no different from any other stupid person,wnaders into your stupid life..
you give them a piece of you.they didnt ask for it.they did something dumb one day,like kiss you or smile at you.,and then your life isnt you own anymore.
love takes hostage.it gets inside you.it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness,so simple a phrase like
'maybe we should be just like friend' turn into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
it hurts.not just in the imagination.not just in the mind.its a soul-hurt,a real gets-in-side-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.i HATE love
i
never understand the theory of love,cause i m not talented

mEmoRieS

rEcaLL oF mEmOriEs[6th JaNuaRy 2005]
-爱我还是他-
黑暗中的我们都没有说话 你只想回家 不想你回家
寂寞深的像海太让人害怕 温柔你的手 轻轻揉着我的发
你的眉眼说 你好渴望我拥抱 你身体却在拼命逃 但欲望在燃烧
你爱我还是他 是不是真的他要比我好 你为谁在挣扎
爱我还是他就 说出你想说的真心话 你到底要跟我还是他
爱爱爱......这是不是命运对我的惩罚
爱你也没办法 恨你也没办法
陷在这个漩涡只想挣脱它 拉住你的手 却让我也被拖下
你的眉眼说 你不渴望我拥抱 每当爱变成了煎熬 你就开始要逃
你爱我还是他 是不是我可以做得更的好 让你不再挣扎
爱我还是他 我宁愿听到残忍的回答 也不要再被耍
你爱我还是他 我为你找了一百个理由 我就是那么傻
爱我还是他 是否沉默代替你的回答 我应该明白吗
爱我是他 噢 你都已看不到我们的好 我还会心牵挂
你爱我还是他 是否沉默就是你的回答 我们都别挣扎 去爱他

since u chosen to love him,what can i do is only wish u happy..

bleed inside me

i promised myself not to think about her,
but when i trying to get away from everything about her,
people keep on telling me tihngs about her
cant u'all stop talking about her?i m sick with that,leave me alone,pls..
stop telling me how she doing,how good she is..

i knew how much i care about her,so i have to lock myself from her.
is he better then me?i wanted to know,but i m not dare to know.
i dont knw him,but there something i knew,he is much luckier than me...
i gave all my best just to get her love,but what he gave her?

3years,is only a period of time to prove how imposible for her to love me..
no matter how much i gave her,we are not fated to be together?

i forgotten how long i didn use the word '再見 ' when i waved goodbye to her
is that bcoz i dont wan to see her anymore?
i dun know,maybe deep inside of me i hope she dissapeared,so that there is no more prove of i used to love her

And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mournRejoice every time you hear the sound of my voiceJust know that I'm looking down on you smilingAnd I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain Just smile back...
--WHEN I'GONE[ENINEM]